Authentic Curiosity: A Key to Better Personal & Professional Relationships
We are told it’s good to be more authentic. How? What does that mean, exactly?
One of the most powerful ways to express authenticity in life and work starts with deeper curiosity in our relationships.
When I was a child, I remember cornering my mom in a never-ending “why?” loop. It ultimately ended with an extremely unsatisfactory, “because I said so” response. And that was that.
Children are curious about everything. What about you? Have you lost some of that eager curiosity?
When we combine curiosity with authenticity, it ignites a genuine interest in others. A key to authentic relationships is authentic curiosity — which is more than just asking questions; it’s a human posture. Since people long to be fundamentally known, authentic curiosity frames questions that provide plenty of space for others to think and talk about who they are, what they are thinking and how they are feeling — below the surface. These are not just transactional questions that home in on facts of a topic or a story.
A more authentic perspective radically shifts away from polite, “tell me about that” conversation, into something much more meaningful. The real trick, which takes practice, is more than just having a list of probing questions chambered up, but to really listen to — and care about — the responses and then keep probing until that path dries up. Questions that beg for open-ended reflection is the sandbox you want to play in. When you hear them respond, “hmmm…” and then gaze off somewhere as they scan their thoughts and feelings, you know you’re striking a chord.
Again, listen closely — not simply to the answers, but what may lie in between the lines. Nudge around in those areas gently and respectfully, but don’t be too afraid to explore — this is the space where authenticity sleeps, often dormant and lonely. Doing this well requires a gut-check to make sure empathy is running true and you’re not just being nosey. Then preface your question with a safe exit: “Um…I don’t mean to cross boundaries and maybe we should shelve this conversation for now, but it sounds like I heard a little [irritation] [or child-like enthusiasm] (a “feeling”) in what you just said.”
Whether it’s an upbeat or downbeat inquiry, the key is to provide adequate space to side-step the question or engage more deeply if they feel safe. And the point isn’t that you hear the answer, but that they hear the question. Authentic curiosity isn’t about you. They may wave you off but they will realize you are genuinely curious about…them! And they will walk away feeling seen and heard.
These Take2 posts are intended to encourage regular pauses to reflect and recalibrate more intention in our personal and vocational lives. The daily demands of life often distract us from seeing — and more consistently following — the path we long to be on. I hope these brief thoughts trigger deeper, more personalized consideration.
